Kingofkings – Postcards From a Coffee Shop Mastermind

Hi readers! How has social distancing been treating you?

During this time of solitude, I have found myself musing over relationship roles.

Ladies, how many times have you looked at a friend with her new boyfriend that you don’t know very well and felt obligated or excited to encourage the relationship because of how cute they look together? Have you ever encouraged her for having a cute relationship, before discerning whether or not the relationship is built on concrete, instead of sand?

I know I have done so to many friends, and while encouragement and positivity are a great way to be a loyal friend, so is honesty and depth.

I have two challenges for you today ladies.

The first challenge, for my fellow sisters in Christ, is to hold the men in your lives to a higher standard.

I have been affirmed in the past half a year while dating my wonderful boyfriend, that it is indeed worth it to wait for a man who is focused on God, our father. A biblical minded, kingdom seeking man.

We ought to be working every day on kingdom-building, seeking time in the word, seeking a healthy prayer and community life, and learning how to be a servant. My prayer for you is that your future husband is doing the same wherever he is and the same standards you hold yourself to, you are observing in anyone you seek to court.

We are a broken race, saved only by the blood of Jesus Christ. So naturally, we must extend grace and not expect a perfect man- just as they should not expect us to be a perfect woman. However, we should be holding our men to a high standard. Being a Christian and asking you on a date in person is not enough if you are dating to marry.

I urge you to look for the man so involved in a community that you see him being vulnerable and confronting his sins, serving those around him, and deepening his knowledge of scripture. Look for a man who holds himself to high standards. Look for a man that is so filled with the holy spirit that peace, love, respect, and generosity flows from him.

Seek a man that is working on being first a solid man of God and second a man whose heart is aligned with a biblical understanding of the roles of a husband and wife.

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,

30 because we are members of his body.

31“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Above is Ephesians 5:23-33. While this passage is specifically speaking to husbands and wives, it is important to notice what traits men are called to embody. Pay attention to these traits, ladies! Hold your men to this standard.

My second challenge, sisters, is to support one another as we learn how to navigate relationships.

Most of us don’t know what we are doing. Luckily, there are people around us who have already walked through whatever season you are in.

I know one place where I do not want to have anything hidden from the people around me, and that is in my dating relationship.

I encourage you to share what is going on in your relationships with trusted people in your lives. Have a mentor who can help you with hard questions/conversations that you are tackling in your relationship.

We can’t work on our relationships with the Lord and seek to embody the woman from Proverbs 31, but then not have high expectations for a man who is seeking a biblical relationship.

I am not discouraging friendly support and fun talk about how cute a couple might be. I tell some of my friends who are in relationships all of the time that they look adorable with their boyfriends. However, we also need to look out for our sisters on a deeper level as well.

I know it is so much easier to sit down with a girlfriend and get giddy and excited about the new guy who has been seeking her.

What is harder, yet often so much more loving, is to ask the hard questions. Ask if he is seeking purity, and doing so openly and vocally. Ask your girlfriend how she has seen him be a leader in their relationship. Ask how they have handled any conflict resolution. Ask how they have been communicating and if they have a person or another couple who is walking in their relationship with them.

Let’s do our best to encourage relationships that are glorifying and seeking God, friends!

Have tough conversations with your sisters and hold them accountable in seeking a Godly man.

With love,

Mattie

What do you think ladies, is it more loving to ask deeper questions to keep your girlfriends accountable?

Men, do you agree and are you looking for a woman who will hold you accountable in putting God first in your relationships?

But with God, we can handle anything. Because He is the Almighty, the Great I Am, the Redeemer, the King of Kings.

So when you are on the floor, crying out because you are hurting, find comfort in the great love of our God.